UGH - Mental Weight Bashing Going On

So Missy and Ed are getting married in September as we all know, Missy is letting us pick our own bridesmaid dresses (YAY!! :)). I've been searching casually online, Mindy, Jenn and Laura have found theirs, I thought I found mine but of course am changing my mind. Laura, Jenn & Mindy's dresses are perfect for them, seriously, perfect! Jenn's is flowy, romantic and just reminds me of Jenn; Mindy's is young, fun and totally Mindy; Laura's is fun, flowy and boob hideable, so perfect for Laura ;)

The one I initially picked was very plain, actually too plain and I'm totally changing my mind. As I'm searching through House of Brides and staring at these stick thin models I have it in my head that I will be that thin for the wedding! Why?? I have no freaking clue why it's in my head that I need to lose 20 pounds or so...

Am I overweight....NO

Am I blessed with a nice size chest.....YES (I want my boobies to get much smaller....to accomplish that I need to lose weight)

Usually body perfection doesn't bother me as much as it has been lately. I guess in my mind I have no excuse to not have the "perfect" body. Pure laziness is my big problem and I go through this process about twice a year and never get to the weight/size I really desire to be.

Can this year really be different? I god damn hope so, I hope with summer coming up, Missy's wedding and just the desire to be "thin" will be enough motivation.

My down fall here is that I LOVE bad food, seriously LOVE it!! I love pasta, fast food, sweets, Dr. Pepper, lots of things that are not good for someone wanting to be thinner. I'm trying to do a 10 day cleanse/diet to jump start the weight loss. I get to eat five times a day, of course it's not a whole lot of food but LOTS of fruits, veggies & fish. Actually a lot of what I can eat is super filling, I'm just re-teaching myself to be a smarter eater. I feel so much better when I eat this good food and not crap, but I CRAVE the bad food so badly...I hate you stupid Burger King, Wendy's, Taco John's, Coldstone Creamery.....

I just have to sacrifice for a while until I get to where I want to be, and enjoy my healthy foods so much that I'm no longer craving the bad stuff as badly, but it's HARD. Especially when I'm giving Isabella the most fattening foods I can think of so she can GAIN some weight!!

Thank god I do enjoy working out, and have gotten back into my running (although I took last week off due to my sinus issues). Bella is 2 years old, there is no reason I should still have my little "pooch". I am not blessed with good genes to where magically everthing goes back to the way it was, I have friends that are and man I am jealous of that!!! ;)

I CAN DO THIS!!!